The Little House That Built Us

It's been a wild few months of putting in offers, multiple home inspections, repair requests, back-outs and finally closing on our home, a little over a month ago! We've been very busy with moving in and getting settled into our new home/life in Riverton, but for those wanting to see what our new place looks like, here you go, below :) It's hard for me to be this vulnerable, but I also feel like I need to honor our old home and that time in our life. I really don't want to take it for granted. 

We sold our home in Provo in February and lived with my parents for a few months while we looked for this home. I really miss that home actually. So much happened there. Marlee was born. Asher, with a tough battle, learned to talk. We bought a car or two. (Not new.... I am not sure if we will be the can-afford-a-new-car people for a while) We had two amazing dogs, and gave them up to wonderful homes. We rented our home for 6 months, because things got so tight we couldn't financially make it during that time (also hence no longer having the dogs and moving in with in-laws). Ike graduated college and became an RN! We grew and changed and made adult decisions and childish decisions, and... looking back now, I really do miss it. I'm so glad we had that house. I'm grateful for the memories. 

We got married with $200. Yes, like two Benjamin's. I laugh now, because I just can't believe that was even possible. Thankfully, when you get married, people are outrageously generous and that allowed us to get into our first apartment, buy groceries, a few more essentials, finish our Vegas honeymoon, and save the rest for an emergency. (My in-laws also loaned us our apartment deposit, which was so thoughtful). We picked up the grossest, most awful, free couches on the side of the road, not having money for furniture. I have to laugh again, thinking that was ever a good idea or that having a bed bug infestation, would be better than possibly just going without, or picking up another job. I don't know...just the things when you are very young, very immature, and have literally no money. We waited and saved for a couple of years and put ourselves into that little home. That little home took every single penny at the time and we put a lot of sweat into making the yard and lot into everything we could. Fencing, sod, seeding, gardening, cement removal, painting, etc. (with a LOT of helping hands...we haven't forgotten who came and helped us).  I was so proud of it all. In the end, it gave us so much. It got us to the place and home and area that we are in now. 

Without further ado, this is our new place! Riverton, just about 1200 W, off of the 123rd exit, if you are familiar with the Draper/Riverton area. 5 bd/3 bth, and a yard for the kiddos.

**Disclaimer**- before anyone thinks I am bitter or trying to toot my own horn. I realize that everyone has their own journey and their own path. This is just OUR story, and OUR journey. I get that people have different jobs, life, inheritance, family help, (make smarter decisions than "college-financial-me"), etc. It's just all about everyone's own journey. This is ours and it is still just barely beginning. Everyone has their own trials, struggles and hardships along the way, and I in no way, want or mean to discredit or overlook those. XOXO

Closeup of Front 

Front of house

Asher's bedroom

The current downstairs situation. It's huge and awkward for now, but we are excited for all of the space :) Set up for a kitchenette down here and two bedrooms/bath off of this large room.

Downstairs Bath 3

Bed 5/Office. Not Pictured: Bed 4: Toy Room!!! Currently looks like a bomb went off. 

Family room. Currently, so sorry for the poor lighting!

Family Room under normal conditions

Living Room

Garden plots 

Hallway-Most of main is maple hardwood

Kitchen 

Laundry

From back corner of lot

Main bathroom-1

Marlee's room (kid does what she wants)

Master shower

Master bath-2

Master bedroom

Patio 

Lawn

These guys

Oh, Canada!

This post is probably pretty boring and lengthy. Actually, no, it is for SURE lengthy. I just need to log everything we did, before my weak mind forgets it all! Pictures at the bottom, so just scrooooooll. 

This is a travelogue of our trip a couple of weeks ago; a road-trip spanning Utah to Vancouver and back, with stops and stays along the way :) We went with my sister and brother-in-law and they were great travel companions. Of course, it is hard to live with anyone in a 200 sq. foot or less area for a few hours, let alone a week, so I thought all in all, it went well. 

Day .5: Drove from SLC through the night to San Francisco. We passed through Tahoe on the way, and it was SNOWING and the roads were icy! It was so strange, when Utah had been so hot, and is really not that far away. We reached SF at 8 AM, EXHAUSTED. We all had trouble sleeping, contrary to our switch-off plan.

Day 1: We tried to get into Alcatraz bright and early for stand-by tickets. They only take the first 50 people and the guys took a super long time parking, so we were too late, by the time we were all together. We started the day at Fisherman's Wharf, spent some time at the old arcade at the farthest end, saw Lombard Street, Painted Ladies, and a lot of cool downtown architecture. We have been to SF before and seen some of the bigger things, so this was a nice little "mop-up" day for us. Golden Gate Park was a huge highlight for me. i didn't even know this was here, and how..it is massive. Around 8 PM, we started driving a little way toward Redwoods Nat'l Park, looking for a stop to camp for the night. 

Eats of the Day: Eagle Cafe (Fisherman's Wharf), Chantal Guillon-BEST MACARONS, Suzu Noodle House(Gross). 

Day 2: Camped the night along a rest stop and weren't bothered by anyone! We got up and drove through the Humboldt Redwoods Preserve and Avenue of the Giants. It was GORGEOUS. It was the one part of the trip that still holds a reverence and a pause with me. I'm very glad we had this day. A day to just reflect and take it all in. I've never seen so many ferns in my life. And I am a nerd and had so much fun learning about the antibacterial, antimicrobial, anti-fire properties of Redwood/Sequoia trees. We had so many stops this day; it was a whirlwind. We also saw the Eternal Tree House, World's Largest Totem Pole, Trinidad Lighthouse, hiked Lady Bird Johnson Grove (learned so much about how the Redwoods were basically saved at this dedication), and did another hike at Fern Canyon (some of Jurassic Park was filmed here). Our Fitbit's loved our 24K steps and I haven't been that sore in a while. We camped at the end of this day as well, on Oregon Trail road. Quite fitting, for our first trip to Oregon.

Eats of the Day: Eel River Cafe, Perlita's Mexican restaurant and a LOT of junk food and snacks

Day 3: Portland certainly is weird. A lot of panhandlers, but everyone was very welcoming and friendly. I tried my first cannabis (weed) cream on my always sore shoulder/neck at a dispensary and it worked. Too well. I need some, I think. Let me know the next time one of you folks, is passing through ;) We went to the International Rose Test Garden, where all of your mom/pop's front yard roses probably came from, back in the day. They test all of the roses here for hardiness, viability, scent, color, disease/drought resistance, etc. Next stop was Powell's Books. They have a few locations, but this famous one is an actual block wide. I wished we had half a day to just spend walking that bookstore. I've never seen so many books in my life; I probably never will. Some people come to Portland and spend an entire day there; I get it. Last stop of the day was Multnomah Falls, which was breathtaking and semi-vertigo-inducing, standing from the first falls. We finally spent a night at a hotel (poor hygiene, anyone?) just outside of Seattle and swam/showered and just relaxed.

Eats of the Day: Screen Door Cafe (one of my favorite eats of the trip), Voodoo Donuts, I can't quite remember

Day 4: Seattle was my kind of a city, and I really loved the atmosphere. Probably because there are endless food options, water, and no heat/cold. Seattle was touristy for us, but it was our first time, so....yes. Pike Place, waterfront Puget Sound cruise, Gum Wall, Space Needle, Chihuly Glass Museum, and the EMP Museum. I would have loved to do the zoo, eat at more places, fish, whale watch...but we just simply didn't have enough time. 

Eats of the Day: Etta’s (delicious fish), The Confectional, Beecher's Cheese, Ellenos Greek Custard, Fogon Cocina (great Mexican/horrible Mexican 'server')

Day 5/6: Vancouver was the destination I was most excited for, and a place that we could finally just relax and not have to rush off to the next location from. We stayed downtown. Like, downtown. Beach street, one block from the beach and about 5 minutes walking to the ferry to Granville Island, or 5 minutes driving to Stanley Park, if you've been to Van City, as the locals call it. It was such a nice Air BnB, and I highly recommend the brothers if you ever head that way. 

The first day, we drove over Lion's Gate Bridge to Lighthouse Park and did a little hike. The homes in this area (North Van; a different city then Vancouver), are just SO awesome. They remind me of Eastern US, colonial/Tudor style with really fresh paints/trim. We just bought a house, so I was super into the color schemes and styles. Next we went to Capilano suspension bridge, but didn't end up doing it as it was packed with people and was timewise/$$ it didn't make sense for the day. We went to Grouse Mountain next and rode their Gondola to the top of the mountain. It's the tallest point in Vancouver. We saw a bird show, and orphaned bears that are now native residents to the mountain. We checked out the Lonsdale Quay Market, which tries to be like Pike Place but is like 1/10th as awesome and then drove back into town, hit up the beach and called it a night.

The second day we hit the bus system early. We went out to Van Dusen Gardens first. This was probably my favorite attraction in Vancouver. Keep in mind though, I am nerdy, sometimes enjoy quite/solitude and some of my favorite things to do include plants/animals. I think Ike was ready to leave the moment we got there. Our next stop was the Aquarium, which was great and Ike's favorite part. It was hard to move through, since I swear it was Elementary School Appreciation Day, but we survived the crowds and only were rained on a few times, sporadically. Next stop was Science World. We only had an hour here until close, and we both thought that would be plenty of time to play $30 a person and plunge through the museum in record time. WRONG. I could have definitely used a few hours here. On the mind puzzles in the lobby. It was really unique and they did a really unique and creative job at this science museum though. Then we went to Kitsilano beach, the most famous beach in Vancouver and called it a night.

Eats in Vancouver: Pizza Garden (twice), it was easy and cheap and just too convenient when you are exhausted from walking/driving around all day. Twisted Fork (need the recipe of those asiago cheese biscuits), Tim Horton's (Dunkin Donuts, anyone?), Flying Pig, Taqueria Pinche (craving currently and highly recommend), Halima Garden(meh).

On the way home, we had vouchers to the Seattle Aquarium that we weren't able to use a few days earlier, so we stopped there on the way home. We hit horrible, awful traffic in Tacoma, Washington and were stuck in literally the same half mile of road for 2.5 hours. Definition of insanity. We drove through the night again, (the quicker, less scenic way) and made it home first thing Saturday morning to our kids and families :) Wonderful, whirlwind trip, and now we know exactly which areas to deep-dive into more next time. Thanks to my awesome in-laws for watching my kiddos!

Avenue of the Giants

Chihuly Gardens-handblown glass gardens

Just standing next to a giant

View from Grouse Mountain

Obligatory Gum Wall photo

Multnomah Falls

Kitsilano Beach, Vancouver-the weather was either sunny or like this 7-8 times per day

Lombard Street, SF

Painted Ladies- park was closed though, so no cliche park pics; such a bummer

Can you spot Ike on the World's Largest Paul Bunyon?! 

This was the view in the morning from our "rest area". Not too shabby. 

Nostalgic being in a tree of this size. Then traumatic seeing all of the millions of bugs crawling around me.

Seattle skyline

Just a little Space Needle

World's Largest Totem Pole

Trinidad Lighthouse, CA

Van Dusen Gardens, Vancouver 

Becoming "This" Me

Ike and I are coming up quickly on 5 years this year! We took a little staycation this weekend and I have been in a reminiscing mood the entire time. Mountains, clean air, quiet places....go figure.It also might be due to the fact, I am almost off of a migraine medication I've been on for a year, and can now feel a little more like myself. Either way, I love a little self-reflection and don't mind the opportunity.

I want to get better at clearing my head. I don't even really journal that often, so sometimes its best to just let it go here, instead of milling the thoughts over and over in my brain. 

I think about the past 5 years and so many things have changed. 

I have two babies, who are starting to talk more and more, and are teaching me so much about the mother I want to be; the overall person I want to be. They are so kind and compassionate and non-judgemental. I love the constant reminder every day to look at people and situations as they would. 

Both sides of my family have changed immensely. There have been marriages; there have been divorces. Sometimes change is just thrust upon you and you can choose to fight it or embrace it. I have fought a lot of this change; it is hard for me to let people go. It is hard to let family go. It is hard to let family in. This last year was a lot about realizing what and who matters and what and who really don't. Doing what you think is right can only get you so far, and 99% of the time isn't worth your energy, if you aren't a key player. However....doing what you think is right is SO important and shouldn't be taken away from you either. Everyone has a right to feel; to think; to try. I've become very vulnerable and open with some; and very closed-off and cautious with others. I learned that people that really know and love you do so in any situation and see you for who you really are. I am trying really hard to see everyone for their own intentions and not is what projected upon them. My 5-year-ago family was very different and I can't wait to see how the next 5-year-into-the-future family looks. 

I can FINALLY speak my mind. Let's not get crazy here. There are holes in me that hurt. Holes that I think about and the words my mind wants to speak are not kind. Those things I won't share, because that isn't fair and is due to a healing in me that needs to take place. Time someone really does heal all wounds, doesn't it? I can though, finally stand up for myself as much as I have ever felt able to. 

I can finally voice opinions without becoming terrified and insecure. I've learned it's completely ok for two people to disagree and still get along. I've also, sadly learned, that some opinions create wedges between people. I can only still love and hope to be loved back. 

Let me explain why these two previous points are so important. People are shocked to learn I am an extroverted introvert. You can read some humorous examples of what this nonsense even means here. Let me take you on a whirlwind journey! Brace yourself...this is so fast I know. 

 Growing up....I had extreme separation anxiety from my parents and siblings. My parents laugh that I would get dropped off at kindergarten, and then run a block back to my dad's office every freaking day, because I was so terrified to go into the classroom. I cannot remember any of first grade, second grade, third grade. Only one friend, Steph, and my teachers. Fourth grade I was an absolute teacher's pet; a brown-noser to a fault. Ok, maybe every year, all through school. Maybe this explains friend problems. I always had trouble making girlfriends of any kind. I usually just hung out with boys. I remember friends outside of school, or friends in previous ward groups that I would hang out with every day. But school was always a blur. 

Fifth grade I had my first real "boyfriend", whatever that means in fifth grade. I was called "stuffer girl" and had my period at age 11. I was maturing at an awesome rate!!! Junior High is completely fuzzy. I remember friends changing weekly, SO MUCH CHANGE everywhere. Body changes, teacher changes, locker changes. 

I have to ask.....has this happened to anyone else?! Am I the only one with like, elementary/JHS amnesia?! It kind of makes me sick to think about. Half of my life I don't remember and that is so crazy and hard to believe.

High School. FBLA and HOSA leadership, seminary president 3 years in a row; orchestra concertmaster. I go to almost all the football games, have a great network of close friends, and many more acquaintances. I am not sure how I was viewed in HS. I wasn't popular, but had a lot of friends and was probably "nice". I hope that is what people would say. I had a full time job from 16 on, and chose going to BYU solely based on the guy I was in LOVE with at the time. This guy is now married to my sister. Don't worry, my sister knows ;) 

The first 6 months of our marriage were another massive time of self-reflection, many bouts of tears, many times chasing me down the road in the middle of the night, and many times I wanted the poor guy to just give up on me and move forward. He is a rockstar. Truly. He knew these battles beforehand, but still chose to walk this journey of life with me. I feel like we are now more hand-in-hand, mind-in-mind than ever before. I can't imagine feeling more so as time passes with him. 

Now, backtrack to like 6 paragraphs up. SORRY! We are 4 years past this time now and maybe it makes sense why I am grateful to speak up for myself and to do things not for other people, but because they make sense and feel right to me. 

I have learned tolerance. I have friends who are gay, who are straight, who are many different religions, who are politically very different than me. I just want to be their friend. I don't feel like it's anyone's place to shove politics, religion, really anything down anyone's throat, especially if they are adults and are really free to choose to believe whatever they want. I like people that extend the same freedom to me. I think that's what we are mostly on earth for; to choose and to love. 

I feel like the last 3-4 years I have grown, learned and changed just as much as I did during my whole adolescent timeframe. To any youngsters that might read this or have made it this far. Keep your head up, because you can always make it through. People will tell or say mean things to or about you at times, but it's a choice to believe them. 

To any folks my age and above....can you remember your most changing years? The years where you felt you finally came into your own? That you felt real happiness or felt like you weren't trying to be something that you aren't? 

I look at my sisters and I can totally identify a few years of their lives that were epic or life-changing. I know there are many more times like this for all of us. We aren't stagnant as human beings, hearts and minds are always changing. There will always be people that disagree with "you", with your change, but they aren't you :)

He is Risen

Easter is my favorite holiday. Always has been and always will be.

The reverence, humility and feeling of Easter trump the excitement and hooplah of any other, in my book. 

I spent the last week reading Matthew over again and learning as much as I could about crucifixion practice. It blew my mind, but crucifixion for most is only a suffering of a few hours. Gethsemane was the atonement for my sins, for my pains, for my sorrows. 

Religiously, I am not the person I think my parents, friends, family, inlaws, etc. ever thought, expected, or wanted me to be. For me that is ok. I have spent the last three years on a journey of finding out who I am and where I fit into this big picture. 

I do have a testimony of some very important things, however. I have come to know more than ever that Christ lives. God still does hear and listen to prayers and the deep desires of your heart, even if you feel or are made to feel unworthy of that. I know that God has carried me through so many trying times as of late, and I have truly felt his presence in my life.

I believe in a very compassionate and loving God and Savior. In any reading I've ever done, the humility and compassion that is shown to absolutely anyone is so inspiring. Men are not often compassionate. I believe that God truly does "looketh on the heart". He knows our true intentions, who we want to become, sees our potential and ultimately loves us unconditionally either way. I do want to be like my Savior in those ways. Not in any way ritualistic or that I'm unable to find in scripture, but I want to have a love for my family and fellow man like that. His example, peace, and sacrifice can be found everywhere and I am so very grateful for it. I have a peace and comfort in knowing that Christ will know how I loved my spouse and children, worked and labored for them, tried my best to serve, and hopefully lived an honorable life. I can only do my best and I have such a long way to go. Hopefully, I have a lot of years left! 

I love Easter and it hold such a huge meaning and significance for me. Each year it seems to more and more. 

Enough of my rant, now off to more packing and Cadbury Easter egg eating! Happy Easter to all, I hope everyone enjoys such a special and meaningful day, but also enjoys the fun and bliss with their close ones! 

Depression

The recent events of Robin Willliams' passing have urged me to speak out about a huge plague and misunderstood and underrated illness of society. 

I have depression. I have for quite some time. I had always had glimpses of it throughout my childhood, but got by with great family and friends and a fierce sense of optimism. I also was raised thinking that depressed people made choices to feel that way, or they were just some of my crazy family members, and their negative traits were blamed on depression or mental illness. 

It wasn't until I had baby #1, that life began to feel unbearable at times. I had 3-4 panic attacks through the night and  woke up with my heart racing. Baby blues and then post-partum depression continued to get worse. I got pregnant again, when I had a three month old baby in my arms. We moved into our first home and got a little breath of fresh air being on our own, and my sister moved in and gave me a sounding board. I also have the most compassionate husband, who also struggles with feeling undervalued and unimportant at times. That helped get me through the next 9 months.

Baby #2 almost broke me. I started having the panic attacks in the night again, and went to bed crying myself to sleep and woke up shaking in the mornings. I could not handle normal day-to-day stresses and knew that this wasn't normal. I have a hole in my heart and would often pass out for a minute or so, from hyperventilating. I would cry to Marlee and Asher, begging them to forgive me for not being the fun, energetic mom I so desperately wanted to be. 

We went on a trip to Lake Powell, and the carbon monoxide monitors would go off every day or so. I was at such a low at that point, that I literally hoped on everything that I would inhale too much and just not wake up. I was disappointed at waking up alive each morning. HORRIBLE, I know. And in Lake Powell, no kids and having a BLAST... Something was wrong. That was the first glimpse at realizing how scary this illness can be. I had and have always had such a vigor for life and bringing joy to others' lives. Now it had become the opposite.

I decided then to seek help for my depression. Some family knew and most did not. Some cared and some thought I was crazy. Some knew I couldn't control most of it and some thought I was choosing to be this way. Most probably didn't know or still don't know that I have it. It really doesn't matter to me what anyone thought or still thinks, but THANK you to those that have been there through some really hard and dark times. I know I will battle this at times throughout my life, but now I know what it looks like manifested in my own self.

1 year later.

I have been off all medication for 6 months and haven't felt so emotionally stable, patient, sensitive to others, and rational in my entire life. I look forward to playing with my kids and being as productive as I can each and every day. Most of all, I can BREATHE. Like, literally. The last month has been one of the most financially troublesome of our marriage, yet I can think clearly, make great decisions and it doesn't chronically get me down or eat at me.

I am not surprised at many of you reading this being utterly shocked. I, like many that have depression, mask and hide almost everything. I always have a happy face, a laugh, am upbeat, and seem ok. Behind closed doors was and always is a different story for me. If you didn't know, that was the point ;) I didn't need people to feel bad for me, I just needed to get better, to be the person I know is in there. 

The point of this discussion is to hopefully raise some awareness on this illness. It is just that... An ILLNESS. My amazing Dr. described it as an infection or imbalance in the body. If you have strep throat, or a UTI, you don't just ignore it and hope it will go away. If your pancreas doesn't secrete insulin, you supplement it. We can heal and cure our minds just like any part of the body. Depression is not a choice and can be extremely debilitating. 

If you are struggling or wonder if you are, you are NOT alone. There are millions of people just like you! People love you and care about you, even when you can't feel it or see it. I believe that God has felt all pain and heals all pain. 

If you are not struggling with it, please be a little more compassionate and sensitive to those that you know are, or that you suspect are. Our society is losing too many if these frail ones. Death is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. 

Things Come Together

It has been an intense week!

The day care option we had fell through, so we are looking at a few other places this week. I'm not worried, because there are a LOT of great options left. 

We said goodbye to Ike's bro and our sister-in-law, and it was so sad, but I am so happy for the experiences they are about to have; in so many meaningful ways. 

These two found homes! In the last two days... Two amazing families turned up, out of the blue and turned out to be the perfect forever homes for our dogs. They're taking over the pet insurance and  are absolutely perfect. I haven't been as sad as I thought I would be; and that part makes me sad. To be honest though, if anyone lived in my shoes over the last two years, it all would make a little but more sense. My heart does ache 3-4 times a day when Asher bangs on the back door yelling "Ogs!", or I go to the garage to get their food out of habit. 

The last month has also been the most emotional in years, so I literally couldn't cry more than a couple of hours over these two. There are one thousand more happy feelings than any sad feelings; our dogs are getting the very best, and what we can't and have never been able to give them. (Ok, writing that last sentence has me bawling again). Sheesh! Enough already!

Ultimately... Things always come together :) The men upstairs and wonderful people in your life are always looking out for and love you...and that. feels. great. 

Juice Blends and Flavors

Each and every week, I am asked what flavors I have, which ones have veggies, etc. This post is to lay it all out there! 

Individual juices $6 OR cleanse options are available. For a cleanse, choose if you want one or two milk per day, and then 4-5 juices per day. 

You can do a cleanse for 1-5 days( I have had a guy do three weeks!) ; price is per day with discounts for multiple days. 1 day-$30, 2 days-$55, 3 days-$80, 4 days- $100 or do a 7 day for $150. 

Referrals get you a free juice!

Now onto why you're actually reading this: THE FLAVORS!

Juices:

1. Power Green- spinach, kale, arugula, watercress, celery, cucumber, pineapple, mint and lime 

2. Classic Green- #1 plus kiwi, pear, orange, nectarine(seasonal), strawberry and blackberry(seasonal)

3. Power Orange- kale, cucumber, orange and carrot

4. Power Red- #1 plus beet and seasonal berries 

5. Fresh Apple- apple, lime, ginger, mint

6. Hot Lemonade-lemon, cucumber, mint, dash of cayenne and agave. Also available in any fruit flavor. Can also add greens :)

7. My V8- tomato, basil, cucumber, spinach, kale, lemon, dash of pepper 

8. Summer Watermelon- watermelon, spinach, mint and cream of coconut -plus $1 per bottle(out of season)

9. Summer Raspberry- raspberry, pineapple, orange, mint, strawberry-plus $1 per bottle (out of season)

10. Witch Doctor-NEW!!- carrot, cucumber, chard, kale, lemon, beet, chili, salt

Want a custom juice?! No problem.. Just ask! 

Milk:

All nut milks are cold-pressed the day you order. It's a long process but so fresh and tasty! 

1. Almond milk- comes in plain, vanilla, chocolate, peanut butter, cinnamon, cookie butter, coconut, or strawberry and now PUMPKIN(seasonal) 

2. Coconut milk- can come in any flavor as above 

New flavors will be added here as the recipes are finalized :) I can also make anything custom that you'd like. 

Thanks for checking out our little juice spot! 

-D

Life of a Mom

Being a mom is so great, but there are times you just really need and want to hire a sub.

Today was, IS, one of those days. I'm only 2 hours into it. *sigh*

Woke up this morning to a horrible smell coming from Marlee's room. Throw up and diarrhea leaking out all over the bed. My eyes are watering and I'm breathing through my mouth. She rolls over, stands up in the crib and throws up all over the floor. We thought she was better yesterday and let her eat what she wanted. Now the combination of fermented milk, fruit snacks, Danish donuts, and garlic rice is AWESOME. 

 I rush her to the tub and get both kids in. I scrub them down and wash their hair. Marlee smiles and poops yellow diarrhea all over the tub. I am coughing and gagging and pull both kids out and run them to my tub downstairs. Once I get them in they are both happy and laughing. 5 minutes after washing and soaping them up, Asher poops in the tub. One hundred horribly smelly little pebbles everywhere. Heaven help us today!! 😱😱😱

20 LB Challenge With My Babe

For those of you that remember my sobby "fat" post from a few months back, I am now 10 lbs heavier than that day. :(

Instead of feeling depressed about it....again...I'm just going to do my absolute very best and that's all I can do about it. 

I challenged Ike last night to a 20 lb challenge. There's no time constraint, it's just for whoever does it FIRST. Once a week we are taking our weight together and logging it. Hopefully not more than two months for me. Hoooooopefully. (Yes, I have 20 lbs to lose. 30 actually, but Ike only has 20 to lose so we have to do that). A year ago today, after baby #2 was three weeks old, I weighed 30 lbs less than I do today. Yep. Truth. 

Here is my game plan: (I really shouldn't share my plan with my competitor, but it's ok!)

1. Buh-bye IUD!! Going to get that sucker removed and try something else 

2. No Dairy (I don't have any at all except for cheese, so basically.... No cheese)

3. No Wheat

4. No Sugar 

5. Increase workouts to 8x per week instead of 5x

Wish me luck!! I really want my $100 cash money :):)

Juicing 101

Here is some information I put together after receiving so many questions about my process, why I juice, benefits, etc.

Why Juice?

Juicing allows your body a flood of nutrient intake. You cannot get the same quantity of vitamins and minerals alone…simply because you cannot eat that much raw food to get it. Juicing allows many of the nutrients to be preserved without fiber and fillers that take up room in the stomach.

Benefits:

Outward appearance:  including clear skin, weight loss and reduced bloating, as well as fewer headaches. Stronger hair and nails also results of an improved diet and regular juicing

Breaking of bad habits:

For most people, the body’s detoxification systems -- the skin, blood, liver, kidneys and intestines -- do an adequate job of eliminating environmental or ingested toxins.  A juice cleanse can help you to kick-start some life changes or just taking a break from unhealthy eating habits. An increased focus on fruits and vegetables and calorie reduction can be a healthy change for many.

Weight Loss:

Any fluids-only diet can result in rapid weight loss. This is generally due to dehydration, however, not fat loss. For most people, the weight returns right away when they resume eating solid foods. It’s important to INCREASE water intake, to prevent these effects and to increase actual fat loss. It is very common and typical, however to lose 1-2 pounds in actual fat. Keep in mind that this differs from person to person and it is unrealistic to juice just for weight loss. In order to avoid these problems, juice a wide variety of vegetables and fruits, and stay hydrated in between.

Bodily Reset:

Many people notice that after they complete a cleanse, they actually do not crave the foods that they used to crave. These typically are salty, sugary, fatty and processed foods. It resets your body to wanting foods that can actually sustain it and that are whole and natural. Often eating foods that are not of this nature can make you feel sick after a juice cleanse…because your body is now craving healthier food! Juicing can also pull toxins out of the body. Toxins are found in the air, water and food we eat. Antioxidants found in fruits and vegetables help to remove these toxins, by binding to them, breaking them down, and allowing them to be removed by the body. This leads to a greater sense of well-being, clear mind, healthy appetite and greater energy overall.

What Goes Into the Juices:

I make three “levels”…beginner, moderate and hard. In each and every juice there are at least 7-8 whole vegetables. As the levels of difficulty increase, fruits decrease and vegetable volume increases as well. I also add herbs and spices to the latter two levels. These herbs and spices add a little inflammation to the gut. Inflammation is actually GOOD for the body in controlled levels. It improves healing, promotes growth, and cleanses the area. A little inflammation of the intestinal walls actually improves digestion, removes toxins and improves regularity and bowel health.

I juice a variety of fruits and vegetables. If you can think of it…I’ve juiced it. Through trial and error, I now have a variety of delicious recipes, blends, and nut milks.

How Often Should You Juice?

It is beneficial in any increment. The most common “juice cleanse” is 3 days. That is the one I do for myself on a regular basis. More than that can be a little boring, in my opinion, and my mouth just wants to munch! Less than that, and you feel the tough effects only. (Tired, lack of energy, irritable, etc.) You feel these effects because your body doesn’t like to have to work harder than it needs to. The worse you feel the first day, usually the rougher state your body is in. This means your body really NEEDS it! Our bodies like to break down food that is EASY to digest(highly processed), and full of glucose(sugar). Foods that are high in complex carbohydrates, protein and healthy fats are much harder to break down. Your body initially takes a day or two…sometimes a WHILE to get used to it again.

I recommend a 3-day detox, followed by a 3-day monthly juice regimen. This is just what I do personally, and have found it to change my nutrition and health in a positive way. Some also prefer to do 1-2 days and some like the challenge and fulfillment of 5-7 days.

Let me know if you have further questions or would like to give it a try! Juicing is priced per day... But i sell individual blends as well. I am so passionate about it and have loved the way it makes me feel 😊

Marlene lives through Marlee

When I was first pregnant with Asher, and wanted a girl more than anything, we talked about what we would name our baby if it were a girl.

Isaac had no preference on girl names, and would only comment on a name if he disliked it for one reason or another(usually someone he knew with that name that he wasn't particularly fond of).

Throughout our entire relationship, Ike has always heard the wonderful stories of my great-aunt Marlene. She was my hero, favorite caretaker, genuine friend and there is still and will always be a tiny hole in my heart from when she left us.

Marlene is my mom's aunt. My mom loved her as a mother, as did my sisters and I. She had many boyfriends and was even engaged...but despite this, never married. I know why she didn't though: she wouldn't have space for one, because she loved us TOO much. We slept over at her house at least once or twice a week, our whole lives. She honestly raised us a quarter of our lives(not an exaggeration). She came to EVERY violin performance, dance recital, soccer game, and school function. She never missed a birthday, half-birthday, or holiday. She had us do minuscule chores around her place that took maybe an hour and then each time, took us shopping and we could pick out whatever we wanted. Seriously, whatever we wanted. We would later learn that she died with no savings or cash to her name. She had her home, and the possessions in her home, but every other penny she spent on others. It makes me so sad to think of what she could have had, had she not been so generous. That was Marlene though. She didn't care about really anything materialistic. And if it were really nice, we were of course, allowed to use it whenever we wanted.

She loved movies and playing card games. We had so many years of extremely meaningful conversations playing Rook, that I will cherish forever. We talked about what we would be when we grew up, how many kids we wanted, what our lives would be like, how to be good people, how to cook and clean; all of the important things. She was the best listener, and looking back, I hardly remember her ever talking about herself. But when and if she did, we listened and hung on every word. We looked up to her more than anything and wanted to replicate everything that she was and represented.

She had the nicest, silkiest pajamas. She had the fanciest makeup and hair products. Her jewelry made my sisters and I feel so privileged wearing it. She had a couple of guest bedrooms just for us, but didn't mind that we stayed up most of the night laughing and then snuck in and slept in her bed. She would laugh right along with us. The only time she would ever scold us, was when we were VERY obnoxious, bratty, or annoying. Far beyond anyone else's boiling points.

Marlene was diagnosed with breast cancer when I was about 10 years old. I don't remember her really ever having cancer at all, because I never saw any difference in her. She had chemo, radiation, and a double mastectomy. Her attitude and optimism never skipped a beat. When she was finally put into remission, we were thrilled, even though we were really too young to really understand what that meant, or what she went through.

When I was 15, she began having some pain in the lymph nodes on the underside of her upper arms. They would swell up and become really painful. She had them examined multiple times, but there was nothing of concern. It was so painful though, that she usually had to wear compression sleeves to keep everything from swelling out-of-control. Again...she never let on to the fact that she was in any pain though.

A year later, after many years of being completely cancer-free, the cancer suddenly came immediately back and with a vengeance. It was again, breast-cancer, but since her lymph nodes were so out of whack and constantly swollen and inflamed, it became the perfect transport for it to metastasize. It spread like wild-fire. She went through extensive chemo again this time and ended up losing all of her hair. She had back-to-back-to-back doses of on and off again, chemo/radiation.

This year, being my junior year of high school, I was very busy with internships, extra-curricular activities, applying to colleges, and socializing. The time I was spending with her at this point had decreased to one or two nights per month, which still seems like a lot, but for me, it seemed like forever each time I saw her again. Each time she was weaker and weaker and looked worse and worse. She kept her house, but moved in with my grandparents, as she was usually too weak to take very good care of herself, and didn't want to be alone.

This went on for the next 6 months, and finally, for the first time in my life, I saw Marlene start to succumb to the pain. She would get uptight with us, agitated at our childish behavior at times, and often sat in her rocking chair in complete agony.

The fourth of July that year would be the last time I ever saw her alive. I still remember that day, and look on it with so much pain, but mostly anger with myself. I wish I had been more mature, to really value time with your family, especially your elderly ones. My parents had wanted me to come over to my grandparents to spend some time. I had "plans"(teenagers never really have "plans") to meet up with some boys that I thought were pretty cool. I was irritated that I even had to go over there, and gave my parents a lot of attitude about it. My mom even mentioned to me that I should go, because that could be the last time I saw Marlene. I went and stayed for about an hour and a half, then left to go meet up with my friends. As my parents were leaving that night, Marlene kept telling my parents how she really wanted to talk to me and was concerned about how I was doing. Even when she died, I was her last worry and the last person on her mind. She could always read me, even when I would pretend outwardly that I was inwardly OK.

That night was the last time I saw or talked to her. Two weeks later she got up in the middle of the day, walked into her adjacent bathroom, and her heart stopped. She fell, smashing her head on the counter and then collapsed on the bathroom floor. My grandma was in the kitchen and heard it all happen. She ran in screaming and holding Marlene as she took her last few breaths. I remember my mom calling me and I left work immediately and rushed to my grandparents. I remember thinking I was going to get in a car accident because I couldn't see with all of the tears pooling in my eyes. My heart literally felt like it was being seared and shredded apart, beneath my skin.

When I arrived, I went into the bedroom to see her.(My grandpa had placed her back in her bed). She looked so frail and had a giant, bruised goose-egg on her forehead. That moment is still imprinted in my mind...because I am so disturbed by the fact that such a sweet and perfect person had to suffer and die that way. I held her hand briefly and my sisters took a turn as well.

Her funeral was beautiful. I had never known any of her co-workers or friends. It was amazing to see that each and every person that came loved her as much as we did! We all shared similar experience and somehow and in some way, the same story. There were SO many people there. They knew us because of all the photos she took around of us and how much she talked about us to people. She always called us her "daughters" to everyone she met.We all celebrated in the wonderful life that she led and the person that she was.

This is how Marlee was named Marlee. We dropped the "n", and loved it. She was named after one of the most special people to be placed in my life. She loved everyone with such a perfect and childish love. She never judged a soul and I can't remember a rude or even sarcastic word coming out of her mouth. Truly. She lived her life as I could only dream to TRY to. Anyone who met her, even for a minute, felt her love. Two years before she passed, I made her promise that she would still be there for me when she died. I told her that I knew there would be times that I would need her. She told me, "I promise on everything that I will be there for you. Especially when you need me most, or at your darkest times...I will be there for you". I can honestly say that she has been and I know she will be. It may be weird to some people, but I know that I can honestly feel her there sometimes.

Marlee is so perfect as well. I cannot WAIT to tell her the thousand of stories of her great-great aunt Marlene who shared so much with the world. Marlene still holds such an important place in my heart, but she now shares it with her tiny, little namesake. Marlee and Marlene; two very perfect and very special girls. Ones that changed, and will change the world.

Little Miss Marlee

My little princess is now TWO months old?! WHA?! I have not blogged since I found out I was pregnant I think.

Welp..here we are a year later almost!

Here is our little sweet pea's birth story....it's pretty short and sweet...but I need to get it all out so that I can remember each perfect detail!

Three weeks before my due date, I was dilated to a 2.5. This was awesome for me, because I have a family history of NOT dilating at all. I thought this was a good sign and that maybe I would go on my own this time!

I had contractions for the next three weeks, and was taken off of my beta blocker so that I wouldn't go into premature labor. (Beta blocker was for the hole in my heart that will hopefully get patched later this year). Dr. Dabling decided at about 6 months that with my heart condition, it would not be good to go past 38-39 weeks, so I wouldn't have as much pushing with a bigger baby.(Good thing too, because we had a BIG little gal!)

I was scheduled for induction May 28th at 7:00 AM. We stayed up all night cleaning the house, since we had been so busy with yard work, Ike's finals, actual work, etc. I had already had a baby a year before...why did I think this was a good idea to not get any sleep? I have no idea. Asher was with his Grandma and Grandpa Strong, who watched him the day before through the day after her birth. We got to the hospital at 7, but were told to come back, because they had so many people coming in with contractions, and that hopefully they could fit me in a little later. We went and got a good breakfast and came back at 8, and waited in the lobby until 8:30.

They got me right in at that point and put me on a low dose of Pitocin. Last time when I was induced, my body took off and didn't take much to go anywhere. Same case this time :) Within half an hour I was having steady contractions and they checked me and I was at a five. COOL! Dr. Dabling had guaranteed that I would have the baby in about 6 hours...but that is so fast, that I really didn't believe here. They upped my Pitocin and things finally got BAD. (Anyone who has experienced Pitocin contractions knows what I mean). I've only met one person that had full Pitocin and didn't have an epidural, and that's my bestie Rachelle in Holland, and it was because they didn't HAVE epidurals. OUCH. So...of course I had an epidural before I killed someone :) Instantly felt better and fell asleep.

The hours of 9-11 were great! I seriously just slept and took naps while they periodically checked on me. At 11 they asked if I wanted to be a part of a new study that is a vaginal heart monitor for the baby. It's super accurate and much better than the ones that they typically have elasti-banded around your belly. The HORRIBLE, excruciating awesome part is that it clamps onto your cervix to stay in place. I dilated from a 4-5 just getting that crazy thing put on.

At 11:30 I was in really awful pain again. With Asher, but epidural quit two hours before I delivered. They never were able to get it back up and running and it was really painful. I had an episiotomy and could feel each and every stitch(24). This time it had quit as well, but I was not about to go there again! We got the anesthesiologist in and he gave me another booster dose which he said would kick-in in about 15 minutes. Nope, not a bit. He came in again and gave me another. "This will REALLY start to feel great in another 15. Nope. Finally he gave me a third booster and said that the reason I was feeling so much pain with...(3 epi's????) was that I was progressing SO fast. Sure enough, I had dilated to a 9 by 12:30.

At about this time, all of the epidural boosters kicked in, and all at once! My chest was numb, some parts of my face, basically everywhere. Normally that fuzzy, tingly feeling bothers me, but after being in so much pain it is was so nice! Ike and I just talked and relaxed, whereas last time I was writhing and whining for hours. I kept feeling though an awful urge to poo! I felt so much pressure that I seriously felt like I was going to just explode all over my hospital bed. TMI??? They had two C-sections during this time, so I was bottom of the priority list.

They came in at 1:30 and I was to a 10 and almost crowning. No wonder! She had basically just been chilling there ready to get pushed out at any minute, but I was restricting all pushing movement down there because I thought it was something else ;) They had the room already prepped, I got into awesome pushing position(on your back, legs up...really???) and pushed twice. She came right out, despite her very large 90% head. One little stitch and I was good to go! She was born at 2:15 PM, 7 pounds, 15 ounces and 21 inches long. She had the most beautiful full head of curly light brown hair. Dr. Dabling beat her own quota.....with delivering Marlee in 5 hours instead of 6! She's fantastic.

Marlee, however, wasn't as great as me. She came out totally purple. She was having trouble breathing and had a little watery gargle every time she tried to. They rushed her over to the corner and suctioned her and gave her oxygen for a bit. The NICU team checked her out quickly and said she would be good to go. I got her back and tried to nurse her. 10 minutes later I looked down and she was purple again. They helped her out for a little longer this time and suggested not nursing her for a while, as she got better with her breathing.( My hypothesis is while she was literally stuck down there...she had a mixture of air/water in and out of there and some of it got into her airway).

We had a great rest of the day and she met her brother, both sets of grandparents and some aunts, uncles and great friends. Later that night I tried to nurse her again, and the same thing happened. This time they did a chest x-ray on her and kept her through the night to watch her. In the morning they said the x-ray came back ok, but just to bottle feed or pump and feed her for now.

They decided to keep us one more day there to keep an eye on here and on the 30th, we were able to check out.

We are so grateful that she was otherwise healthy, despite the subsequent breathing scares she still had at home for the rest of the week. We had excellent nurses, great family support and the best OBGYN I've ever had. She cared about me like a friend throughout the whole process and I'll most definitely go back to her. She watched my heart condition so carefully and said I was one of her favorite patients of all time! Awh! (She probably says that to everyone ;) )

In the last two months, she has been absolutely perfect. Right off the bat she woke up 1-2 times per night to nurse, but then would cuddle and fall right back to sleep. At 5 weeks she started smiling and also started sleeping through the night. She is such a calm and happy girl. Even when she cries it is the cutest little girly sound. She has a raspy voice(think chain smoker), and it is adorable.

I feel so incredibly blessed to have my little boy and girl. They are 12 months, two years apart, and life is difficult. It is difficult, but we are SO blessed to have them. Each time I get frustrated or feel like I might break down, I remember how lucky I am. It also helps to have the most considerate and compassionate husband around.

That's how our little M made her debut into the world, short and sweet, just like her cute little self :)