I'm Doing it For Her

I have to take a second and toot my own horn here. I am REALLY good at setting goals and keeping them. I'm not sure if it was that I grew up as such a perfectionist, had a past of eating disorders, and am really OCD when it comes to a phew things, but if I want to stick with something...I can just do it!

If I want to deep clean my entire house in a day...done. If I want to drop 10 pounds in a couple of weeks...done. If I want to do a cleanse or temporary "feel good" nutrition kick...done. Get up the guts to clean out the moldy leftovers in my fridge(one of my greatest fears by the way)...done.

EXCEPT FOR NAILBITING....duh, duh, duhn. I have tried probably 1,000 times to stop it. I am a complete germaphobe, yet I bite my nails?! Sheesh..I know, disgusting. There are more germs under any of our nails than in the crevices of our derrieres. (If you think I'm joking, take Microbiology lab..YUCK).

I have tried countless things. Wearing mittens, nasty nail polish, tape, rubbing alcohol, bitter apple, journaling my days without biting, etc. The best one was probably 6 months into marriage where I ordered some "polish" on eBay, that was "proven to cure nailbiting". I'm not sure what you think..but when I think of the word "polish" that seems pretty stationary-it dries right?!?! Not this stuff. My ENTIRE BODY was so terrible tasting (lips, face, hands, arms, everything) that I seriously did not eat for 3 days. Isaac was over it too. What a nasty surprise to kiss someone with it on and then have YOUR body taste like turpentine, castor oil, and acetone for the next 3 days. It was bad, that's all I'm saying.

When I was pregnant with Asher, I wanted so badly to stop. I don't want my kids to see me do it all the time and then pick up the habit. If they do on their own, that's ok, but I want no part in the discovery. I tried, but once again, failed.

This year has been fairly difficult for us. We spent nearly all of our money on buying our house, and doing some minor outdoor repairs that went with it. Isaac dropped to part-time working(school is in session) and we have a LOT of medical debt(refer to my previous insurance catastrophe here). Money has definitely not been falling from the sky or growing on trees. Every time we seem to get a little bit saved, it goes to something else. There are a lot of people in our shoes, so I'm not complaining. It actually has been one of life's greatest life lessons and blessings so far. We make our money count, I cook nearly every meal, and we are very fiscally conscious.

We went on a cruise last week. I know what you're thinking..."ummm, what about the paragraph above??". We actually planned it a year and a half ago, when we had more money, were in a better situation, and wait...didn't even have ONE kid yet :) On the cruise, I just had this feeling like the time had come, and I really needed to stop. It was just time. I'm 4 months away from having a sweet little girl, and I don't want her to have the same anxious habits as me. Something just kind of clicked in my brain for the first time(before it had been so superficial, and I hadn't really internalized it). I went immediately to the salon on the ship and got a $90 shellac manicure. YIKES! (I had to spend so much, so that I now will feel SO guilty from a financial standpoint if I fail to meet this goal).

My nails are growing at an alarming rate. It is incredible. The best part is, I have been incredibly stressed since returning home, and haven't had a single urge to bite them. In my major, Exercise Science, we learned so much about mind over matter. That usually is the reason people have habits, tendencies, are overweight, etc. Something inside isn't quite right, and they can't let it go. This isn't true in every case, but is for most. My kid(s), is/are so important to me, and I am obsessed with how much love I have for them and want them to turn out the very best that they can.

I'll keep you updated on quitting this habit. I know...for most of you this seems SO trivial. But for me, this is the hardest challenge I've given myself. For once, I know I can do it.