Isaac had no preference on girl names, and would only comment on a name if he disliked it for one reason or another(usually someone he knew with that name that he wasn't particularly fond of).
Throughout our entire relationship, Ike has always heard the wonderful stories of my great-aunt Marlene. She was my hero, favorite caretaker, genuine friend and there is still and will always be a tiny hole in my heart from when she left us.
Marlene is my mom's aunt. My mom loved her as a mother, as did my sisters and I. She had many boyfriends and was even engaged...but despite this, never married. I know why she didn't though: she wouldn't have space for one, because she loved us TOO much. We slept over at her house at least once or twice a week, our whole lives. She honestly raised us a quarter of our lives(not an exaggeration). She came to EVERY violin performance, dance recital, soccer game, and school function. She never missed a birthday, half-birthday, or holiday. She had us do minuscule chores around her place that took maybe an hour and then each time, took us shopping and we could pick out whatever we wanted. Seriously, whatever we wanted. We would later learn that she died with no savings or cash to her name. She had her home, and the possessions in her home, but every other penny she spent on others. It makes me so sad to think of what she could have had, had she not been so generous. That was Marlene though. She didn't care about really anything materialistic. And if it were really nice, we were of course, allowed to use it whenever we wanted.
She loved movies and playing card games. We had so many years of extremely meaningful conversations playing Rook, that I will cherish forever. We talked about what we would be when we grew up, how many kids we wanted, what our lives would be like, how to be good people, how to cook and clean; all of the important things. She was the best listener, and looking back, I hardly remember her ever talking about herself. But when and if she did, we listened and hung on every word. We looked up to her more than anything and wanted to replicate everything that she was and represented.
She had the nicest, silkiest pajamas. She had the fanciest makeup and hair products. Her jewelry made my sisters and I feel so privileged wearing it. She had a couple of guest bedrooms just for us, but didn't mind that we stayed up most of the night laughing and then snuck in and slept in her bed. She would laugh right along with us. The only time she would ever scold us, was when we were VERY obnoxious, bratty, or annoying. Far beyond anyone else's boiling points.
Marlene was diagnosed with breast cancer when I was about 10 years old. I don't remember her really ever having cancer at all, because I never saw any difference in her. She had chemo, radiation, and a double mastectomy. Her attitude and optimism never skipped a beat. When she was finally put into remission, we were thrilled, even though we were really too young to really understand what that meant, or what she went through.
When I was 15, she began having some pain in the lymph nodes on the underside of her upper arms. They would swell up and become really painful. She had them examined multiple times, but there was nothing of concern. It was so painful though, that she usually had to wear compression sleeves to keep everything from swelling out-of-control. Again...she never let on to the fact that she was in any pain though.
A year later, after many years of being completely cancer-free, the cancer suddenly came immediately back and with a vengeance. It was again, breast-cancer, but since her lymph nodes were so out of whack and constantly swollen and inflamed, it became the perfect transport for it to metastasize. It spread like wild-fire. She went through extensive chemo again this time and ended up losing all of her hair. She had back-to-back-to-back doses of on and off again, chemo/radiation.
This year, being my junior year of high school, I was very busy with internships, extra-curricular activities, applying to colleges, and socializing. The time I was spending with her at this point had decreased to one or two nights per month, which still seems like a lot, but for me, it seemed like forever each time I saw her again. Each time she was weaker and weaker and looked worse and worse. She kept her house, but moved in with my grandparents, as she was usually too weak to take very good care of herself, and didn't want to be alone.
This went on for the next 6 months, and finally, for the first time in my life, I saw Marlene start to succumb to the pain. She would get uptight with us, agitated at our childish behavior at times, and often sat in her rocking chair in complete agony.
The fourth of July that year would be the last time I ever saw her alive. I still remember that day, and look on it with so much pain, but mostly anger with myself. I wish I had been more mature, to really value time with your family, especially your elderly ones. My parents had wanted me to come over to my grandparents to spend some time. I had "plans"(teenagers never really have "plans") to meet up with some boys that I thought were pretty cool. I was irritated that I even had to go over there, and gave my parents a lot of attitude about it. My mom even mentioned to me that I should go, because that could be the last time I saw Marlene. I went and stayed for about an hour and a half, then left to go meet up with my friends. As my parents were leaving that night, Marlene kept telling my parents how she really wanted to talk to me and was concerned about how I was doing. Even when she died, I was her last worry and the last person on her mind. She could always read me, even when I would pretend outwardly that I was inwardly OK.
That night was the last time I saw or talked to her. Two weeks later she got up in the middle of the day, walked into her adjacent bathroom, and her heart stopped. She fell, smashing her head on the counter and then collapsed on the bathroom floor. My grandma was in the kitchen and heard it all happen. She ran in screaming and holding Marlene as she took her last few breaths. I remember my mom calling me and I left work immediately and rushed to my grandparents. I remember thinking I was going to get in a car accident because I couldn't see with all of the tears pooling in my eyes. My heart literally felt like it was being seared and shredded apart, beneath my skin.
When I arrived, I went into the bedroom to see her.(My grandpa had placed her back in her bed). She looked so frail and had a giant, bruised goose-egg on her forehead. That moment is still imprinted in my mind...because I am so disturbed by the fact that such a sweet and perfect person had to suffer and die that way. I held her hand briefly and my sisters took a turn as well.
Her funeral was beautiful. I had never known any of her co-workers or friends. It was amazing to see that each and every person that came loved her as much as we did! We all shared similar experience and somehow and in some way, the same story. There were SO many people there. They knew us because of all the photos she took around of us and how much she talked about us to people. She always called us her "daughters" to everyone she met.We all celebrated in the wonderful life that she led and the person that she was.
This is how Marlee was named Marlee. We dropped the "n", and loved it. She was named after one of the most special people to be placed in my life. She loved everyone with such a perfect and childish love. She never judged a soul and I can't remember a rude or even sarcastic word coming out of her mouth. Truly. She lived her life as I could only dream to TRY to. Anyone who met her, even for a minute, felt her love. Two years before she passed, I made her promise that she would still be there for me when she died. I told her that I knew there would be times that I would need her. She told me, "I promise on everything that I will be there for you. Especially when you need me most, or at your darkest times...I will be there for you". I can honestly say that she has been and I know she will be. It may be weird to some people, but I know that I can honestly feel her there sometimes.
Marlee is so perfect as well. I cannot WAIT to tell her the thousand of stories of her great-great aunt Marlene who shared so much with the world. Marlene still holds such an important place in my heart, but she now shares it with her tiny, little namesake. Marlee and Marlene; two very perfect and very special girls. Ones that changed, and will change the world.
